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A Portal Opened and I walked Through It

A Portal opened in 2015, and I walked through it. 


I was depressed.  My sons flew the coop, I was in a dead end job, I felt lost and there was a painful ache in my heart.   I really didn't feel any reason to continue with this life, my purpose was fulfilled.   My sons were going to be doctors.  As a single mother, I felt I did a good job raising them but I lost sight of my own purpose and zest for life and I had no clue how to get out of the deep cave I fell into.  I just wallowed in this pain with no idea how to escape.  Where was the courageous woman who Found her self, her soul, in France, who founded Find Your Self in France?  Was that just random?  But it felt so right, I was on my path and it seemed to have evaporated.     or did it...

One day, in 2015, around the Solar Eclipse in  I was scrolling through Facebook photos and I came across posts from a woman I met in the South of France.  She bought a home in a medieval village in the South of Italy.   I really didn't want to see the 100 photos she posted, I'd just scrolled on by, but every time I opened FB, there her posts were, at the top of my feed.  Finally, curiosity got the best of me and I read her post and looked at all her photos and I was mesmerized.  She had just purchased her new home in Guardia Sanframondi, a medieval village in the Benevento region of Campania.    Something inside me woke up and for 3 nights, I couldn't sleep. I asked myself, could I do this too?  My body vibrated with anticipation, a feeling  I haven't felt for a long time.  The sense of excitement and wonder was palpable...was there another possibility for me?  Little did I know, I was facing a portal.  A doorway to a new timeline, one that would change my life forever.  

I wasn't that knowledgeable about Astrology, at the time, except  I knew my sun, moon and rising signs, I had received a few readings, but I wasn't aware in March 2015, that Chiron was returning to the same position it was when I was born.  I was approaching my Chiron return.   Aka mid life crisis.   But this wasn't a crisis.   I didn't start drinking and sleeping around with random men.  Instead, I followed my heart's yearnings to live in Europe.   I have followed my heart many times, often going against what family and society expected from me.   For example, when my sons were young, I wanted to be more available to them so I quit my big corporate accounting job and started my own part time freelance bookkeeping practice.  I felt the fear but I did it anyway.   Within 6 months I was earning the same level of income working half the time.  I longed for my own home and bought one near by the beach, raised chickens and planted an organic garden.   I found the freedom I always longed for but something was missing...I was so busy raising my sons as a single mother and loving it, but I lost touch with my own hopes and dreams and I was questioning what I would do once they flew the coop.  During their last years in high school, I took time to reconnect with my heart and soul, I remembered my love for France so I took a French conversation class.  With 2 sons in college, I eventually followed my heart to France.   Ever since I was a little girl and first heard the french language, I fell in love with all things French and  dreamt of living in France.   I studied french for years, traveled there numerous times, and brought France to my home in every way possible.  I eventually even got engaged to a frenchman who lived in Boston, rationalizing that he lived halfway between Los Angeles and Paris, that didn't work out for obvious reasons and most important, I wanted to be near my sons before they went away to medical school.   Still, I had a dream to live in France that I wanted to manifest.  And so I did.  The day my older son left for medical school in Cincinnati, Ohio, I left for Paris.  I lived in France and created Find Your Self In France, a boutique travel business with the theme of connecting women to their hearts and dreams in the city of light.  I brought women to Paris and the french countryside to find their self, their souls, as I did.   I made my dream come true.   I returned to the US to spend some time with my younger son before he went off to medical school.   After he left is when the depression set in.  Little did I know, my heart would be awakened again, and a portal would open in front of me.  I had a choice, I could ignore the huge door with a lion crest and continue living the way I was living, safe but unhappy or I could take a deep breath and step through the portal.   


I called the woman who bought a home in Italy and she gave me the scoop.  Then I called my therapist.   I'm used to saying Yes to the opportunities life presents itself  but this seemed huge!    Was I  about to do something outrageous, drastic?  Was I going crazy?   It sure felt like I was about to leap into the abyss.  Instead,  I booked an appointment and drove out to Ojai to my therapist's home.  Carolyn Braddock isn't your ordinary therapist.  No talk therapy, she asked me to stand in one corner of her living room she named Italy,  then walk to the other corner of her living room, she named California.   Noticing my energy, my breath, my posture,  I stood tall, full of energy, in the corner she called Italy, my breath was full and deep.  As I walked toward "California"  I slumped, my breath was shallow, my energy was low, it was clear to her that I needed to stay calm and go to Italy!  "Just go and be curious", she said, "you aren't going crazy, you just might be finding your new path."  That was all the encouragement I needed, I booked my flight that night and within 10 days, I was boarding a flight to Rome.   I stepped through the portal and my life changed. 

To be continued...


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